Something feels off

At some point or another we’ve all found ourselves at a place in our lives where we’ve felt worn out, bored, stagnant or just plain blah. Maybe you feel like you’re just going through the motions of life, doing the same things over and over again. Or maybe you feel like there’s nothing to look forward to or like you’re running in place while everyone else is moving forward.

I would guess that most people have these feelings. Some more than others, but to pretend they don’t exist is, well, bullshit. It’s the natural cycles of the universe. After a week and a half of feeling low, all the hours I spent on god forsaken Instagram, looking at other people’s photos, I realized I was comparing myself to everyone. I was constantly sizing myself up – and being in my slump I usually didn’t size up very well.

Ever found yourself browsing people’s photos only to leave you thinking about how much your life stinks?

I’ve spent nearly a year trying to find myself again and I am still working on it. I was, and I still am, constantly creating images of the way things will be. This can be good and it can be bad. Good because I am a believer in visualizing a desired outcome and in getting excited and passionate about the work we do, but bad, because when things don’t turn out the way we planned, we quit.

Don’t quit.

Keep moving forward.

Keep making adjustments.

Keep progressing.

Hope for things to be okay, but plan for them to not go as planned.  

Pessimist meet optimist.

This way, you will be okay with either scenario and you will be able to pick back up and continue to press forward.

Great. Now that we’re past the heart to heart, I’m glad this friggin blogging reminder can stfu now 😂 you want to know what triggered my little grey cloud? One email I received almost 2 weeks ago. An opportunity too good to pass up, but I let that email get the best of me. I’ve been posting 3 to 4 times a week just to keep my engagement up. My reasons don’t feel right anymore and I won’t let an algorithm decide my worth. I’m my own worst critic. I am always waiting for the other shoe to drop, for something to happen that will show everyone that I am not good enough. No matter how well a finished piece is done, there is always a sense of failure that it wasn’t done better. Obvs I need to work harder on balancing self-improvement with self-acceptance. There’s a difference between telling yourself that you’re not good enough and reminding yourself that there’s room for improvement. I’ve been trying to accept my flaws for what they are right now while committing to doing better in the future. It sounds a bit counterintuitive, but it’s possible to do both simultaneously.

The rogue version I decided not to finish, I’m completing this with a tank class instead. Should be done very soon.

Pencil vs ink

Bad drawing day

I bought a keyboard.

At the peak of my slump it became clear that I am letting this Art thing get to my head again. And in order to avoid meltdown I need to put my focus elsewhere for now, that doesn’t mean I’m putting away the pencil box entirely, but only momentarily. I’ll still be drawing digitally though.

Cheers to the new adventure 🎉